my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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