I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
where does the pee come out of this thing
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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