How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
