Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
so much tequila, so little girl.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
