He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
