Got a toothbrush?
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
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