AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
