totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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