we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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