i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
