I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
