You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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