He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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