R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
