im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
