When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
