I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
