he thought i was a dude.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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