Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Randomize
