i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
