i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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