I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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