ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
