I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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