Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Randomize
