I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
