you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
