The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
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