R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
