I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I can't put those talents on a resume
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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