I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
