Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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