were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
