Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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