I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
