just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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