the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
