I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
