I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
