guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Damn victory sex feels great
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
