broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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