I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
