It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
