all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
