Moan for me like Helen Keller
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
