I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
