i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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