a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
