Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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