ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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