can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
