So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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