So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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