She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
