just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
