.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
