I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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