I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
two words: eviction party
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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